A Conversation With Allan

Today, we innocently logged into our Vagenda email account to find the following turd steaming away inside of it. We thought it would only be fair to share it with the world.


Hope you are well.
I recently read your article regarding The Sun newspapers decision to run two NHS differeing financially related, treatment distribution stories along side each other.

Firstly, congratulations for waking up to the tired & already known reality that The Sun is nothing more than a rag, specializing in crass contradictions & comparisons - with an expedient motive, (however, fully correct your 20-years-too-late realization may be).

The NHS was simply not created to improve the ego of shallow women with little else to focus on in their lives than their breast size.

Women have and continue to triumph through life regardless of their looks & (lack of) sex appeal - even considering how shallow and conditioned women seem easily effected by in todays mainstream female commandeered world.

I'm not laughing or poking fun at any females frustration with the size of their chest. But as an employee of the NHS that is tired of witnessing funds filter into the capacity of mental well being, whilst POORLY people continue to suffer at the hands of a lack of sensible wealth distribution, (though admittedly not exclusively), I have to ask you to think deeply about how NHS funds should be utilized.

Illness, disease, broken bones et al, are the core reason for the NHS.
Cosmetic issues culminating in mental unhappiness should require alternative treatment outdide of the NHS domain.

Nobody in their right mind is attempting to suggest this big buzzumed lady took cash from the childs coffers for breast expansion, but when combined with national cosmetic surgical figures, particularly in relation to young females and their never ending excuses to question their self worth, those financial figures are - forgive the pun, boosted. Enourmesly.

And my frustration is born out of a belief that only those who are suffering with serious illness that this country already underperforms with eg cancer, and our ability to look after the elderly more robustly etc, should be receiving first and only priority when discussing NHS funds and time management.

I am short. Under the national hight average. I've been rejected by women over the years for this reason. 
But I don't seek sympathy or treatment on the NHS because the NHS is not my aunty. It is an institution that should be used to treat the ill, not the ego.


In case you're wondering, the original article that got Allan's goat is here.

I decided to conduct a mature and thoughtful response, following the format that Allan himself had decided upon.

Hi Allan,

I hope you are well.

I recently read your email regarding ‘big buzzumed ladies’ and the fact that the NHS is not your aunty. 

Firstly, congratulations on waking up to the already tired and well-known reality that The Vagenda is nothing more than a human-rights-supporting, pro-feminist, infuriatingly tolerant blog, specialising in crass humour and media analysis - with a liberal leftie agenda (however correct your year-late realisation may be.)

The Vagenda was simply not created to improve the ego of short men with little else to focus on in their lives than their height and their female counterparts’ breasts (however many rejections in love this vertical challenge may have afforded you.)


I'm not laughing or poking fun at any man’s frustration with the size of their legs. But as an editor at The Vagenda who is tired of witnessing idiocy being filtered straight into the annals of the Daily Mail (although admittedly not exclusively - The Star and The Telegraph have their days), I have to thank you for chucking a small amount of it our way. All of the emails that we get are so annoyingly supportive and intelligent that sometimes we crave this sort of vapid breath of fresh air.

Entrenched sexist stereotypes manifested as rape, slut-shaming, street harassment, racism, transphobia and insulting and repetitive media portrayals are the core reason for The Vagenda.
Rants about how women with body dysmorphia are suffering a little bit of ‘mental unhappiness’ and require ‘alternative treatment’ (probably a tampon since you’re 90% sure it’s just because she’s on her period, right?) would usually fall outside of the Vagenda domain.

Nobody in their right mind is attempting to suggest that you should stab yourself repeatedly in the eye with an NHS regulation pencil as you repeat: ‘I will not be a lazy sexist’, particularly not on your lunch hour in front of a delighted all-female audience as they chow down on their burgers and chips. But it does seem to be a tempting suggestion when combined with your lack of grammatical nous and the fact that you work inside an institution where it is extremely important to be empathetic and non-judgmental. In these important areas, you seem to be - forgive the height pun - coming up short.

And my frustration is born out of a belief that re-educating those such as yourself who suffer from chronic stupidity should be our first priority when expanding the aims of The Vagenda.

I am also short, as well as knobbly-kneed, a jaundiced shade of blonde, and chronically lacking in jawline. I’ve conducted a number of ‘chin-stretching’ exercises with rubber bands over the years for this reason, much to the amusement of my friends.
But I don’t send ranting emails to blogs like The Vagenda about it, because The Vagenda and other such places are not my personal rant diary or The Daily Star. They are institutions which, on receiving such emails, would be very likely to deliver a scathing reply and then publish it on the internet. 

Your Aunty V.