Do you know who I hate? Pretty people. And not just
because their lives are clearly so much easier than mine in every way
(I hear they don’t pay taxes), but because now there’s a morally
questionable dating website that allows them to travel for free with
generous strangers. While complimentary champagne may be the preserve of the Samantha Bricks
of this world, all I ever seem to get is a pint of carling and a slap
on the arse.
Yes, Miss Travel pairs up young female totty with
rich professionals who are clearly so desirable that they have to spend
thousands of pounds in order for someone to endure their company.
Okay, so maybe I’m bitter that I probably wouldn’t
be deemed beautiful enough to be whisked away to Barbados by the chivalrous
chap who writes ‘I am seeking FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS and NO STRINGS
ATTACHED’ multiple times on his profile, but something’s amiss here,
isn’t it? I know it’s the 21
st century and all that jazz,
but there’s just something a bit creepy about people who are willing
to splash their
cash on months away with women they’ve
never met before.
The harsh truth seems to be that Miss Travel is just
Chat Roulette for people who can afford to pay for someone to wank them
off in another country. The site may try to dress this up as a glamorous
affair, where young beauties are whisked off to foreign lands by men
who just haven’t found that special lady yet, but this is just ruse
for something far more sinister. Sure, it would be lovely if two people
met up half way across the world, spent two weeks having a load of sun,
sex and sangria and then lived happily ever after. But the reality is
that many of these daters have specified on their profiles that they
are solely looking to engage in an extra-marital affair. Yes, people of France- THAT WAS THE SOUND OF ROMANCE® DYING.
Perhaps even more worrying than these cashed-up losers are the
women who sign up to the site. Sure, they say they know what they’re
getting themselves in for, but do they really? It might seem like fun
and games when you’re in the safety of your own home behind a computer
screen, but being plonked thousands of miles away with no one but your
sex hungry benefactor is something different altogether. You’ll probably
get a tan out of it, though, so transatlantic prostitution does have
its benefits.
I think the most devastating consequence of Miss Travel
is what it is doing to us ordinary folk. I mean, yeah, mercenary sex
is bad and everything, but what about me? Do I really need reams of
beautiful women parading around the poolside as I furiously try to disguise
my muffin top? No, quite frankly, I do not. Maybe they should limit
travelling totty to one area of the world (so I know never to go there)
or have some kind of tracking system whereby we can locate these odious
demi-goddesses and holiday somewhere at least 200 miles away. Honestly,
people with good looks can be so selfish.
Someone who has signed up for premium exposure on
the site, one thirty year old ‘Manimal’ from Chicago, asks ‘are
you woman enough?’ Well yes, Manimal (and thank you for asking), I
am woman enough to make the decision to work for minimum wage, sweating
over plates of steaming food whilst dodging the wasps, children and
dogs strewn across the restaurant floor. It may not be glamorous, but
at least that money is mine, and I can spend it on holidaying with people
I actually like, who (mostly) won’t subject me to sexual psuedo slavery.
If these guys and gals want to get involved with Miss Travel then more
power to ‘em, but I’ll be taking my average looks and hard earned
pennies elsewhere.
